The Battle of Belonging

Belongingness 

[bih-lawng-ing-nis]

noun:

1. the quality or state of being an essential or important part of something. 

Belong

[bih-lawng]

verb:

1. to have proper qualifications, especially social qualifications, to be a member of a group.

I am sitting here staring at these two words that have such a strong meaning in today's society, yet the more I gaze upon them, they don't even look like english at all. It is absolutely insane that "belonging" is so engrained in the American culture. It is not just present in those of us who are fresh into the world, struggling to navigate society and find where our "rightful" place. It even affects those who have wandered the earth for several decades, regardless of how successfully they have been operating their life. Lately, due to media and certain empowering movements, it seems as though the world is wanting us to draw on our uniqueness in order to deter sameness. As important as individuality and independence is, secluding yourself or trying to be so "un-similar" from those around you is something instinctively we just cannot manage. When you strip away the superficial facade and get past all the guarded and carefully worded opinions/beliefs, deep down in side, we all want to fit in and feel like we are not alone, not different, not left out from any group or anything in society. So, why is it so important to fit in? Why is it that those same individuals who are so empowered to be different still feel sad when they are excluded from something that could be as little as when they do not get an invitation to a dinner with friends? Even if you say you do not care that you are not apart of something, you do because we grow up with this ideal that being a loner or someone who does not have friends or belong to a group is not socially acceptable. You simply cannot re-wire your brain to believe otherwise.  Everyone wants to feel included, to feel like they actually matter to someone other than the tiny bubble of people they interact with daily. To belong to something is one of the best feelings in the world but the day you no longer,
a.) become important to that group
b.) meet a qualification to be in that group
c.) or are valued,
your world can feel like it has flipped upside down and can be hard to understand.

However, we must understand that as we age, the categories or groups we want to be apart of or feel we fit in with, will change just as the definition of a "group" will change. For example, we begin to battle this sense of belonging from the time we are young children when being one of the fastest kids on the field at recess or a decent hand-ball or tetherball player made you an automatic member of the "cool kid" group. Our belongingness was determined by simple outdoor activities but as we matured it shifted primarily to who you hung out with, at least in middle school. High school (middle school as well) were some of our hardest years for all of us because one of the toughest wars we face in the battle of belonging takes place during this time period. We are judged so critically based off of the people we surround ourselves with or the sport we play or don't play or if we are an "over-achiever" or not.

In high school, especially, we had to learn to deal with the harsh reality that sometimes, we will never will fit a certain mold. This realization forms from several years of heartache and an overflow of tears (regardless of gender) because all that mattered at that age was fitting in and being just like those around you because anyone who dared to be different or made choices you did not agree with, was considered an outcast. As you reach your freshman year in college, you look back immediately and question why you cared so much about what others thought. You go through this phase of wondering how you could be so immature and place such a strong value to what others had to believe about you and why fitting in was your number one priority. As a college student, or even as a regular adult, you may think you will never have to deal with the hardship of "fitting in" after getting through some of your worst and most insecure years. You may believe that drama ends and that you won't ever have to utter the following two sentences of "Why do I not fit in?" or "Where do I belong now?" again. But unfortunately, I promise you, you will. There is no doubt about it because life is a constant crazy journey and hard times don't ever disappear. 

As an adult, there will be a handful of times where you feel lost, left out, alone and unimportant to those around you. Maybe it is because you will dislike a future job when you find out that you don't fit in or share the same interests as your coworkers. Perhaps you enter into a work environment or friend group and no one thinks to include you because you are new. Or a group of friends you identify with will completely change directions with a new year. Maybe you will have to cope with not being in an organization you loved dearly and have to learn how to exist without letting it define you anymore.

Life is meant to bring us challenges and one of those is a battle of belonging- simply finding your fit in this world. Everyone wants to feel included, there is no doubt about that. There will be times when you feel like you are completely lost in this world but when you are in that moment, try to gather your strength and keep on fighting your battle in order to find your way in this world. You will win it eventually. After all, making it through middle school and high school is proof enough!

The Beauty of a Struggle

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

       I stumbled across this quote tonight while doing some late night surfing on the web. It was not that this quote is effortlessly worded and abundantly flows from the heart who wrote it, but what struck me as beautiful is how perfectly it states everything I needed to hear or read in this moment. Perhaps it was something needed for some as you as well?  Life, as we know it, is a whirlwind full of many tremendous twists and turns that lift you high in the sky and alternately take you on a rough ride, sometimes grazing the ground in a manner that may seem impossible to ever get out of. However extreme or steady and unchanging it may be, life is an incredible and an exquisite journey none-the-less. Lately, that journey for myself and some of those around me has not been the most pleasurable.

     I am not sure why all of my late night blog-able thoughts come to me around one in the morning… Especially when I have to wake up for class in just a few hours but as I have been laying in bed, reflecting over the past few days, what has stood out most is how I have handled trekking through this current and unique valley of mine. What has made this journey so challenging for me is that I was not able to handle it the same way as other rough times in the past. I have found that you really cannot approach all situations with the same mindset. Sometimes there simply will not be a way to immediately look on the bright side of things and let hope for the good times ahead, be the only thing to dust you off and pick you up from the ground. Sometimes you have to dig deep into your emotions, be frustrated and cry it out. Depending on the type of person you are, you may need to confide in one or two people close to you.  I am an example of this because I usually have a hard time asking for help or talking about what I am going through because I am so used to being on the listening end. I know there are many others in my same situation. On the other hand, some have no problem openly relying on others to get through tough times and easily reaching out for help. There are also those who deal with everything on the inside and bottle things up. Although it is not the best way to deal with things, sometimes it is inevitable. I know for sure that I fall into that category and most everyone does at some point in their life.
 
     No matter what type of person you are and how you approach a difficult time in your life,  what you can't do during that process is let the valley transform you into something you are not and keep you from getting to that high point again.  Like the quote says, don't allow the tough times harden you, your character and your temporary emotions into permanent emotions. Though you may be struggling now or frustrated in this moment, don't let it cloud your vision of the world we live in or the way you perceive others.

Believe in the beauty of the struggle, always.

 

Distracted by Our Own Vision

I am blind. Not literally but in the "If I didn't have some sort of visual assistance I would not be able to distinguish my own hand from a dog if it were in ten feet in front of me" type of blind. For those who are in the same "forever wishing for 20/20 vision" club then you fully understand the struggle.

Any ways, any glasses-wearer can relate to trying to find a comfortable but practical position that not only allows you to see but also lay with ease against someone without having your frames either jab into half of your face or taking a sideways dive off your nose. So in order to avoid this problem, I find it easier to take my glasses off. In one particular instance, around a month ago, I was leaning against my boyfriend on the couch as we were relaxing and watching something on television when he asked me why I didn't have my glasses on especially when he, a fellow club member, knew very well that I could not see anything in front of me. Without much thought the phrase "I can see everything I need to see," slipped out of my mouth.

After a few seconds and some laughs, I got to thinking. That was not just a cheesy comment, I actually really did not care about the television show we were watching or if a text message popped up on my phone. I did not care about the style of the couch we were sitting on or what the weather was like outside or the thousands of other things I could gaze upon in the room. I cared about the only thing that I could literally see and that was him and the moments happening right now. It was a meteoric moment, one that could have been easily been overlooked by others but it is something I have not been able to get my mind of since it happened. I have been wanting to blog about it for the past month because it got me thinking about just how much we are distracted by our own vision.

Anymore, life seems to be moving faster and faster every day. Perhaps it is because I am getting older and busier and realize how short time is however, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we engulf ourselves in distractions. Distractions take on many forms from technology (an obvious problem during intimate and important conversations and other times deemed quite unnecessary), stress, addictions or bad habits, our jobs, worrying about the future, fair-weather friends, or simple frustrations and challenges that derail us from our goals. Sometimes we are even blinded by our kryptonite; the very things that keep us going. 

While the amount of time we devote to distractions increases, our time spent focusing on meaningful connections we make with others and the beautiful but most simple parts of life are diminishing. 

Sometimes, all it takes is a break from reality. That is why we all go to foreign cities, take adventures in unknown countries and cruise the open seas after all, isn't it? To get a break from the world and every day life we see for a while? Often, we are so caught up in our daily routine that we develop tunnel vision because we consistently move forward without changing the view or thinking about the entire picture. If it is one thing that those of us in the "forever wishing for 20/20 vision" club have the benefit of, it is that we have the ability to turn off that tunnel vision-that every day view around us- and literally focus only on what we can actually see in front of us to reconnect with what is most important in that moment of time.

It is amazing what is possible when you let go of the things that distract you. You will be surprised at just how hard you can push yourself both physically and mentally and how much better your quality of life will be without being blinded by these distractions.


So I encourage you to live out this quote:

"Every day, set the simple goal of being more awake and less distracted."

A Little Bit About Life

It's 2 am.
It's the first night of summer.
I should be sleeping or at least somewhat tired due to the lack of sleep from finals week.
Yet, here I am, writing because my mind is flooded with thoughts about the past year of school.

Ten months ago, I began a new journey. I started college as an innocent 18 year old with nothing but excitement and optimism in my eyes. I'm sitting here in awe as I am reflecting back to the monumental day I moved out on my own and adventured into the unknown. As I compare who I was then to who I am in this fleeting moment, it is obvious that I am no longer that oblivious girl.

They say that college is where you find yourself. It is where you have some of the best times of your life but also the worst and most stressful as well. It is where you learn to handle situations on your own, branch out and become self-sufficient. You gain invaluable life skills, memories, experiences and knowledge. You learn how to balance academics, a job or two(or three) at a time, involvements on and off campus, friendships, relationships, family, free time and so much more.

Looking back, I was a girl who was unaware of the world in front of her, her capability and only knew how to handle a couple friendships, my relationship with my family, a part time job and easy high school courses. That same girl who set foot on campus never believed she would be where she is now- a successful college student who balances academics, family, friends, a relationship, being an active member in her sorority, experienced in exec positions for leadership clubs and organizations, experience in balancing two to three jobs in addition to all of that and still have fun. It has not been an easy year but then again, where is the fun in a life without challenges when those challenges shape you into the person you are destined to be and give you unique experiences to draw from?

I have learned a lot this past school year and I thought I would share my biggest realizations:

1.) You cannot go through college or life alone. You cannot rely solely on yourself to get through life. You need to learn to rely on others and ask for help every once in a while.
2.) The relationships you make with others will get you further in life and impact you more than you can possibly imagine. If you take the time to get to know someone, you can learn and grow more than you will know. At the end of the day, I believe that relationships truly are one of the most important things in life.
3.) Never settle for less than you deserve. No matter which aspect of your life it is, never ever ever settle. Your happiness is too important.
4.) Be happy. Be positive. Be optimistic and encourage others often.
5.) You are going to make mistakes but it is OKAY. Brush it off, change your mindset and move on.
6.) Believe. Believe in yourself, in others and that you are destined to do great things.
7.) Have fun. You deserve it.
8.) Savor those late night conversations and random adventures or early morning Waffle House trips. It strengthens relationships and builds incredible memories.
9.) Prioritize. Prioritize. Prioritize.
10.) Get a decent amount of sleep every night.
11.) But know when it is okay to lose a few hours.
12.) Spend time in a beautiful place every once in a while. Take the time to enjoy a sunset, sunrise or spend some time under the midnight sky.
13.) A nature break is the ultimate cure for any stress, sadness or frustration.
14.) Do not let fear hold you back. Be stronger than any fear or worry because too often, fear causes regret.
15.) Be friendly. Say hi to strangers passing by. Make conversation with people you see in class, at work and on a daily basis. I went off to college not knowing anyone but I cannot tell you how many times I went to a place like the cafeteria alone and ended up meeting people by simply having a conversation in line.
16.) Never be afraid to be yourself or say how you feel. Your opinion is important and valued.
17.) Work hard, play hard.
18.) Do not waste time stressing out about a decision. Make one and MOVE ON. You will be much happier.
19.) Be accountable for your health. Whatever that means to you, do it. You have one body, respect it and take care of it. I promise it will make you feel 10x better. No matter how busy you are, you have time for your health.
20.) Be kind to others. Show them and tell them as often as you can that you appreciate them.
21.) Be selfish every once in a while. It is okay. Treat yourself. Buy yourself some flowers for your room or get something you have been eyeing for a while. Just do it.
22.) Time management is key
24.) Get involved in other things outside of your daily life. Join an organizations or group on campus or in your community. Give back. It broadens your horizon, builds character and might spark new passions and new friendships.
25.) Be involved in your own life. Enjoy all that life has to offer. Do as much as you can to take advantage of all the opportunities but also know when to slow down and appreciate the little things and friendships you find.

Life is short to not be anything but happy and to not embrace all that life has to offer. This has been one of the most insane, incredible, beautiful and truly remarkable school years that I have ever had and I could not be more thankful for it. I am genuinely excited to see what the next few years of college and life have in store for me and I hope you feel the same excitement, love and yearning for all that life has to offer.

Embrace the challenge. Enjoy the journey.

The Power of Positivity

Last weekend, I gave a presentation at a leadership retreat on the power of positivity and it's role in well being. This topic is near and dear to my heart because it is something I live by every day…

On a daily basis I hear at least one of these two following remarks:

"Lindsey, I never ever see you without a smile."
"How are you always so happy all the time? "

It is not easy to respond to this because they are assuming I am happy 24/7 which is impossible. No single person can be happy all the time, everyone goes through their ups and downs. However, my best response is the fact that I have found that projecting outwardly happiness and positivity as often as I can. Even if it is not reflected on the inside, this is something that helps make my life better and brighter. It gets me through those off days when nothing is going right, or when I am stressed about the thousands of things that need to be taken care of when there is not enough time to do so.

In order to keep a bright and happy life, a smile and some positivity is key. During my presentation, I talked about 10 simple steps that can help you achieve better mental well being and living a healthier and happier life. 

10.  Expect good things to happen.

           

If you always expect something bad to happen to you, chances are they will because you let it happen. If you are nervous about a test and expecting to fail, guess what? You will not do so well because you made up your mind to do so. There was one day I was running late to work so naturally, I had a bit of a heavier foot on the gas pedal than normal and while I was on my way, I began thinking how awful it would be if I got a ticket for it. Fortunate enough, I did not get pulled over but once I returned to my parked car, a tauntingly innocent white parking violation envelope with the sticker price of $60 was ironically placed on my car window. I am not saying that if you always think you will never get a ticket, you won't get one but expect good things to happen for yourself. Expect to do something great. Strive for something. Reach your goals. Expect them to happen and you will. It is as simple as that. 

"If you think you can or you can't, you are right."

9. Maintain a Positive Mindset.

“People are just as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

            -Abraham Lincoln

            This is difficult to achieve, but disregard as much negativity as possible. It is perfectly okay to allow criticism into your life because without it, you would not better yourself. However, do not tear yourself down if something bad happens or you make a wrong decision. For once, take a deep breathe and focus on what you are doing right. Be proud of yourself, look at how much you have overcome. Think positively of others in addition to thinking positively of yourself. When someone does not treat you with the same respect you do, as hard as it is, put yourself in their shoes. Look at what they may be going through. Try to look at everyone in the best light possible and just learn to let things go and you will be happier, trust me.

8. Believe in yourself and your abilities.

            Have confidence in who you are and all that you can do. Don't bring yourself down. You are an amazing person who is on this earth for a reason. One minor struggle or setback does not mean you are weak or incapable of achieving anything you set your mind to. The more you believe in yourself the more confidence and happiness you will have. 

7. Surround yourself with people who make you a better and brighter person.

             Plain and simple. Be around people you love, who love you and want nothing more than to support you, see you succeed and be happy. Positivity and happiness is contagious surround yourself with it.

6.  Find your passions. and do them as often as possible.

You have one life so make sure you are living it by doing the things that you love and enjoy because it is a waste of your precious time if you don't.

5. Service for others.

            Do something for someone else, whether it is writing a small thoughtful note, buying someone's Starbucks behind you, a random act of kindness or volunteering for an organization. Just make someone else happy and you will be happy. 

4.   Be happy for others.

            Genuine joy and excitement for others, lifting people up, giving words of  encouragement and affirmation to others make you feel great will make you happy. I always find myself in a lifted better mood after I share in someone's excitement about a new job or an "A" they received on a paper after all their hard work, so I know you would too. 

3.   Enjoy and savor the little moments that bring you joy.

2. “Find the Light” in every situation.

Embrace every experience you go through regardless of how negative it may be. You gained valuable knowledge and strength from the situation. 

1. Wake up every day with a grateful heart.”

            This is the most important step of all… Constantly show your gratitude and appreciation as often as possible. Be thankful for what you have, who is in your life and for your time here because it is limited.





The power of a simple smile has the ability to not only lift your mood and change your day around but it is contagious to those near you. I hope these steps help you or at least you can take something away from this post to implement in your daily life…

Be Happy.
Stay Positive.
Keep Smiling.

Why Not?

Two small but powerful words..


It has not been until this past year that I've really started to come to terms with who I am, what I want to be and how I want to live my life.  Recently, it has become ever so present that our time on earth is short. I don't want to go through life without any regrets. I don't want to reach the years of old age and incapability, wishing that I would have taken more risks, more chances, or have done things I always wanted to do but maybe was afraid to when I had the chance. Pushing your boundaries, testing your limits, having fun and doing something out of the ordinary or on a whim is part of life. It's how you truly get the most out of your time here.


Next time you enter a situation in with a yes or no answer, ask yourself "Why not?". 
 Honestly, what is the worst that can truly happen besides not making memories and feeling full of regret?


At this moment, you are the youngest you will ever be, take the chance. Life is short. Why not! 


"Why not?" has been my motto and a saying you would often hear me utter throughout my first semester of college. Not only has it helped me break out of my shell even more and allow me to make some pretty neat memories but it has helped me learn more about myself and others. 
I can recall a night in which I stayed up until sunrise walking around campus (why not take a night time adventure around school?)  with my best friend. We talked about anything and everything. Naturally, I frequently questioned the topics we were discussing as well as where our wandering would take us. It led to interesting topics, neat places and I learned so much more about both my dear friend and myself too.


I am not saying to live reclessly and use "Why not?" as your end all answer but...


"Enjoy your youth. You will never be younger than you are in this moment." Find your passion and live it out, enjoy every minute, spend your time with those who you care about and whom care about you, and take a risk. You have all this time at your disposal and you waste it if you do not enjoy it. 

Why not do what makes you happy? Why not try something new? Why not embarrass yourself and have fun? Who cares?  Why not stay up all night and enjoy time with your friends?  Why not make memories that will last a lifetime? Why not travel? Why not do something out of character for once? Why not do something to find who you are?


Ever find yourself wishing you would have done something? Change it. Why not do it now?

WHY NOT?

A New Year, A New Resolution

It's that time of year again to set resolutions in hopes of a prosperous, healthy and happy new year. Although many would argue differently, I find New Year's Resolutions very advantageous as long as you view it as a goal or guideline to help shape your year.

The last two years, I have stuck to mine for all 365 days and it was incredibly rewarding.

In 2012, I decided that I wanted to try or experience something new every day of the year. I stuck to it and gained more from it than I ever thought I would. (I even made a journal of all I accomplished and it is pretty fun to look back on!) A simple resolution opened up my world and now the idea of not being afraid to try new things is engrained in my daily life.

2013 was the year I decided I wanted to be happy every day or rather, find happiness in something each day. This resolution helped me get through a tough year by learning to look at the bright side of things and find the light during hard times. Like the previous year's resolution, this resolution is now something I live by.

It took me some time to figure out a resolution for this new year but I finally decided upon one...

My 2014 New Year's Resolution is to live a richer life. 

I want to live a life rich...

• in service
• in love (and in loving of others)
• in appreciation for others and everything that crosses my path
• in happiness
• in new experiences, new opportunities and new journeys
• in lessons
• in open-mindedness
• in fearlessness by taking more chances 

I want to experience and learn everything I can this year while continuing to build upon my passion for life and for those around me. 

I can tell that this year will be a wonderful one and I cannot wait to see what will happen in the months to follow. 

Whether you set a resolution or not, I hope your year is the best one yet and filled with prosperity, love and joy! 

Make the most of the 364 days left of 2014!